Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
i barfeds in our rink
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
