We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
