i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
