Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
