This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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