Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
