Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
