i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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