Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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