There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
