I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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