Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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