I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
