We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
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