Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
