its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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