Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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