He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
i love accidental penises.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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