My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
