My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
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