can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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