im drinking this country out of the recession.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
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