Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
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