I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
