sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
