The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
