What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
And my parents said I crawled through the house
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
