Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Randomize
