Reggie can tackle my bush.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
