remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
