Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
