words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
