so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
