dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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