She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
