This dress was meant to end up on your floor
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
