Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
