hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
