and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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