She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
How does one acquire holy water?
The convent might be a nice break from real life
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
