Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
