Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
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