i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize