Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
