a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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