You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
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