im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Sext me about skeletons
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