Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
