..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
