very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize