im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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