also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
