whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
