so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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