i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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