Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
