"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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