We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize