we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
