His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
