I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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