Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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