just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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