There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
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