Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
