So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
wakey wakey hands off snakey
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
