go do what you do best...puke behind churches
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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