someone threw a dead crab at me
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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