Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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