He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
