why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
